Status of Civil Marriage

Question

My wife and I are both secular Jews living in the USA. We never cared about Judaism and always kept it a secret, but we were so touched by the events in Israel that it has made us think about who we are. We have been reading and watching YouTube videos about religion and we really want to be with our people and observe. We don’t live in a Jewish community, but we want to put our house on the market and move into one.
We are civilly married to each other for many years and we have grown children, but we never had a religious ceremony and we have no ketubah. Are we required to undergo a religious ceremony at some point? Are we required to live separately until we do so?

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    Please know that I am awed by the depth of your feelings of belonging, and I am inspired by the extent of your commitment to identify with your Nation.

    It sounds as if you are aware that a civil marriage ceremony is not a Jewish marriage ceremony. Although, having said that, there is considerable debate among the authorities as how to classify a civil marriage according to the Halacha. Because it is a complex subject, I would suggest that you discuss it with a local Rabbinical authority, who will be able to give you a clear answer as to whether it would be best if you were to marry according to Jewish Law or not. In any event, there is no reason for you to live apart until you have clarified the situation.

    If you do not have anyone local to turn to for advice, please let us know and we will be happy to try a local authority who is wise and sensitive, for you to speak with.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team