Son Has Only Female Friends

Question

We have a grown, married son who has a penchant for friendship with women while he eschews socialization with men. This disturbed us as he was growing up. We tried back then to steer him toward activities with boys, but he showed no interest. Instead, he enjoyed traditionally feminine hobbies and hanging out with girls. We talked to a psychologist back then who said it was his personality and to let him be. We always thought he would grow out of it.

Now he is an adult who lives on his own. He has built for himself a life in which he spends most of his awake hours around women, both professionally and recreational. This has been going on for many years now. All the women he hangs around enjoy his company, even as he is the only man surrounded by dozens of women. They like him because of his charming, delightful personality, kindness toward women, and gregarious nature.

A few years ago, he married a fine Jewish woman. We were so overjoyed. We thought that might solve this problem. Instead his wife has helped his cause and finds it endearing that he likes women so much. He is very faithful to her. He just enjoys women for friendship. And with his wife’s blessing, he continues to hang around women and even spends one-on-one time with some female friends.

We think it is extremely inappropriate the way he lives. What do you think we as parents can do aside from talking to him directly or consulting with a rabbi around here, since he will not listen to either on this matter?

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    While I appreciate your disquiet, I am not sure that there is very much that you can do – or should be doing. Baruch Hashem, your son is happily married and building a home together with his dear wife. I fear that if you decide to become more actively involved in trying to get him to change both the way that he relates to friendships in general, and the way that he socializes, you will just end up alienating him, which would be a terrible thing.

    My personal feeling is that given the choice between a nurturing and loving relationship with your son and his wife, or a stilted relationship where your son does not trust you and will not share with you what is going on in his life, the choice is obvious. If having a loving and rewarding relationship with him means your not addressing the way that he leads his life, then I feel that that is a price worth paying.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team