Shalom Bayis or Torah Study
Question
My wife complains that I get up at 430 am to study and pray, so I stopped doing that. She complains that I go and daven Neitz, so I stopped doing that. She complains that I am always at the shul, but I go three times a day to daven. When I want to study in the evening, she complains that I want, sometimes, to go to the Kollel and study, and at home, she complains that if I begin to study, I’m not spending time with her.
So I end up having to watch TV with her, which is what she thinks is spending time, we then go to bed. She gets mad because I snore, so I tell her I will go downstairs and sleep on the couch so she can sleep; then she complains that I don’t want to sleep with her. So I stay in bed and try not to sleep so that she can sleep. I’m trying, and I am lost at what to do.
Answers
Because there is nothing more monumental to Jewish continuity than the Jewish family and the Jewish home, I feel that for me to try and address your problem through the impersonal medium of email would be irresponsible. I have too much respect for the sanctity of your particular relationship to try to offer you advice as to what I feel is the correct approach for you to try to rebuild a relationship with your wife without my being able to listen to you and your wife in a personal setting.
However, having said that, it is clear from your letter that you are very much in need of advice and direction. If I knew which area you lived in, it might be possible for me to recommend that you contact a specific person who would be able to offer you the kind of personal attention that you so sorely need.
May Hashem grant you and your wife the strength to overcome this difficulty in order to be reach a renewed sense of commitment to each and to grow together.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team