Separating Parents
Question
My parents were always happily married when I was growing up. Nothing could stand in the way of them. But since they’ve become empty nesters after my youngest brother moved out, things soured between them. The other day they announced to me and my siblings they want to divorce. They sleep in separate bedrooms now and are only roommates at this time, and they are already shopping for separate apartments. I don’t want this to happen. I want them to love each other again like they did when I lived with them. My wife is pregnant with our first child, and I want them to be together as grandparents to my children. I want them to grow old together. Would it be a good idea for me to try to convince them not to divorce and to stay together and work things out? Or is it better for me to stay out of their business and not interfere?
Answers
Firstly, please accept my personal Blessing that Hashem bless your wife that she have an easy pregnancy, a quick and painless birth and that your newborn baby be a constant source of Nachas to you both and to your entire family.
While my heart goes out to you at this difficult time, it is almost impossible for me to know what to advise you, as I am not familiar with your parents’ personalities and the true state of their relationship.
If your parents have been through marriage counselling, then I would imagine that their decision to divorce is one that they have reached together with their therapist. If that is so, then I am not sure what you could possibly say that might get them to change their minds. If they have not been through therapy, then I think that you could suggest that they try it before making any final decision. It would probably have to be phrased in gentle terms and in a way that does not imply that “you know better” than they do about what is best for them. If your parents are the kind of people who listen to others and do not become defensive and offensive, then, perhaps you could point out out them how you always looked at their marriage as being strong and healthy. Sometimes hearing these kinds of things from someone else has an effect on the couple, and they begin to realize that their relationship is not quite as compromised as they imagined.
If you do decide to say something to them, may Hashem bless you with the insight to say the right words at the right time.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team