Rejecting One’s Bashert

Question

If you do reject your bashert.

Obviously there is a reason you rejected why are you held accountable that you may not find another one.

Aren’t women able to reject their Bashert as well?

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    I am not sure that by rejecting one’s Bashert a person is stopping themselves from finding someone else to marry. More than that, although they did not marry their Bashert, they can still build a beautiful home together with their spouse.

    The idea of a person’s Bashert being a specific person is completely true, but does not preclude the very distinct possibility that choices have been made in their lives that preclude them marrying each other. In Jewish tradition there is a concept of a “Zivug Rishon” – a perfect match – and a second and third etc. Our Sages teach that if a person is lucky enough to find their Zivug Rishon, the relationship will need little effort to reach contentment. The further away a person’s soulmate is from the magical number one, the harder the couple will have to work to reach contentment. This does not mean that we should not look for our Bashert and we should not marry, it just alerts us to the fact that in married life it is essential that we take into account that fact that our partners have different personalities, and that we should always take their feelings into consideration. In effect, this means that we are going to marry the person we have decided is the right one for us, even if they are not.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team