Reason to Marry

Question

Hi, I wanted to hear the Rav’s opinion on what should be the reason that a hashkafically solid person wants to get married. And how do we know if our motivation to do so is aligned with the Torah? Thank you

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    While I understand where your question is coming from, I am not sure that there is any one specific reason that is ‘the’ reason.

    When Hakadosh Baruch Hu created Adam HaRishon, He created him with a natural desire to be together with a partner. Chazal relate that after naming all the animals, Adam HaRishon saw that they all had a mate, and only he was alone. Adam then turned to Hashem and asked for a mate as well. From here the Rabbis teach that there is an innate desire within humans to share with someone else the most significant (and the most mundane) moments of their life. This is why the Torah states that it is not good for a person to be alone. Chazal also teach that a person who is not married is missing something integral to their life. Possibly, these are the Hashkafic reasons to marry, but they do not do justice to the desires and the needs that we have as humans.

    Marriage – and the desire to marry – is not just an expression of spirituality. There is also the physical desires as well that are a foundational part of marriage and wanting to marry. The physical desires of marriage should not be ignored and a person should never imagine that there is something carnal about about having those desires. They are as much a part of our desire to marry as the spiritual dimensions are because they originate from the same Source – Avinu Shebashamayim.

    The Rabbis teach that we are created in such a way that not only do we need to share with others but we need to give to others as well. Rav Desler famously writes that the root of the word ‘ahavah’ is ‘hav’ which means to give. The ultimate expression of love is to give to the one who is loved. And, in the same way, the ultimate expression of love is also to receive from the one who is loved.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team