Seeking Forgiveness From an Annoying Person
Question
The other day, an acquaintance who is an annoying person who I don’t enjoy interacting with, asked me for the address and phone number of a dear friend who is a recent widow so she could send a condolence card. I told this acquaintance I would not give out my friend’s personal info without her permission. My plan was to first ask my friend for permission. But before that happened, the acquaintance became extremely furious at me and feels insulted.
I later told my friend (the recent widow) what happened and she said she also considers this woman annoying. She says this woman has caused her lots of trouble in the past and she is glad I didn’t give out her contact info.
Since this acquaintance feels insulted by me, am I required to ask her for forgiveness before Yom Kippur? Frankly, she is someone I’d rather not contact at all because she has a habit of bothering people, which I’ve known about for a long time and others apparently have too.
Answers
Halachically, you are not obligated to ask her for forgiveness before Yom Kippur because, even though she took it the wrong way, you didn’t actually do anything hurtful. However, as with so many interpersonal issues, sometimes it is better to go further than simply applying the minimal Halacha requirement.
In most situations, I have found that it is almost always beneficial to ask for forgiveness from someone who has taken something the wrong way, even when it is not an obligation to do so. It makes them feel better and it also means that they will not be bearing a grudge against you as you move into Yom Kippur.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team