Respecting Husband

Question

My husband is a yeshivah man but is not careful about saying krias shema on time and it bothers me greatly. I know it s none of my business, I should focus on myself, and still I can t let go. Can you offer me perspective?

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    It is hard for me to offer a perspective as I do not know you, your husband or your family dynamics. However, if you have not yet spoken with your husband about it I would suggest that you try to make a time when you are both calm and content and to try and broach the subject without sounding accusatory or confrontational. If you feel that this might not be a good idea then perhaps it is possible to turn to a spiritual mentor of your husband’s and ask him to try and speak with him. If you have older children at home who are being influenced by your husband’s seeming disregard for the Halacha then it might be more pressing that you get a mentor involved.

    However, having said all that, it seems to me that the only way that you can begin the process of “letting go” is by truly internalizing the concept that you cannot directly change your husband. And, yes, I know that it is a cliché but that does not detract from its truth. What does it mean to “let go”? To accept that your husband – in this detail – is not doing what you (and the Halacha) would like him to do. That he has made his decision for the moment and, for whatever the reason, he has decided not to do as you would like him to do. And, it is absolutely clear, that it is a source of disappointment to you, but projecting your disappointment will probably only have the opposite effect that you are hoping for.

    Is it possible to respect your husband if he is not reciting Krias Shema on time? I would hope that it is. By focusing on all the wonderful things that your husband is doing and all the spiritual strides that he is making, and trying not to focus (solely) on the parts that require improvement, can help you reach a point where you can respect him for he is and what he is doing.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team