Repenting for Repeated Sin
Question
Hello. I need help because I discovered that I unknowingly have/caused a huge problem and I don’t know how to solve it or repent for it properly, and I’m honestly scared and stressed out because of it and because I can’t find a proper answer. I have been spilling seed for a few years now (5-6) and I was unaware about it being a major sin until very recently when I came across the topic online. I didn’t realize how big or grave of a sin it was, and now I’m trying to figure out how I can repent for it after all this time. I’ve been looking on Google for answers (I can share some sites that I found if needed or for context), but I haven’t been able to find a concrete answer for my predicament. What should I do, and how can I repent for this sin and how long I’ve done it?
Answers
According to Rabbeinu Yonah the path to genuine rectification is to always be careful and to avoid any kind of a situation that might let it happen again in the future. Rabbeinu Yonah teaches that if one is successful at doing so they have proved in the most definite way possible that they have atoned for what they did in the past. Not to allow a person to get back into that kind of situation again because they know that they have been weak in it and they are not sure that they will be able to overcome it if they were back in the same situation again.
In my humble opinion the only way to achieve that is when they do not focus on their past behavior. Rather, that one focus on the future. I don’t know if you have access to the books of the Steipler Gaon, but if you do, take a look at Kreina Deigrata volume 1 letter 11. The Steipler writes that a person should face forwards and ignore the past. That means that for now, to put the past on hold and concentrate on doing what Hashem wants you to do. Day by day.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team