“Rabbi-Shopping”
Question
I want to know what to do about this situation. My husband does not follow or even have a relationship with one single rabbi when it comes to Halacha. He ‘rabbi shops’ when he wants something to be permitted. He looks out for a rabbi to permit something that often is largely forbidden. Very often, Rabbi A will say that X is permitted and Y is forbidden while Rabbi B will say that X is forbidden and Y is permitted, so he will follow Rabbi A’s ruling for X and Rabbi B’s ruling for Y.
He also frequently uses ‘Rabbi Google’ to find answers to questions of Halacha rather than asking a rabbi himself. If 10 orthodox rabbis have written online that something is forbidden and one says it’s permitted, he will follow the one who says it’s permitted. And he will boast that Rabbi Whoever from Wherever who most people have never heard of says it’s permitted.
Answers
I truly empathize with you and I wish that was something that I could say that might help change your husband’s approach to Halacha but I don’t imagine that there is. Chazal teach that one should not “Rabbi-Shop”. One should be consistent and follow one Rabbi’s rulings – both the lenient rulings and the stringent ones. However, I am sure that your husband is aware of that even though he is not currently doing it.
What can you do? Possibly, a positive way of looking at the situation is to be happy that his desire is to follow the Halacha. Even though it is not in the optimal way, he does look for a ruling rather than just taking the Halacha into his own hands. Perhaps another positive thing might be is if your husband is not expecting you also to follow all of the lenient rulings that he finds. If your husband is happy for you to follow the accepted approach to Halacha – for example, in the kitchen and for Taharas Hamishpacha – then, in my humble opinion, despite your disappointment, I think that, Halachically, your home situation is manageable.
Clearly, the best outcome would be for your husband to find a Rabbi who he is comfortable with accepting his rulings. I appreciate that, as of right now, your husband is not actively showing any interest in finding a Rabbi and sticking to him, but, perhaps, if you were to find a wise and sensitive Rabbi who you feel comfortable turning to, your husband might be happy to join you at a later date to ask his questions as well.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team