Mourning Limited

Question

Dear Rabbi,
What’s the reason for Judaism teaching that although we should mourn for someone who has passed, we should not mourn excessively?
Thanks

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    The Torah states, “You are children of God… Do not cut yourselves and do not make a bald spot between your eyes over a dead person (i.e., for mourning). For you are a holy nation to God, and He chose you for Himself as a treasured nation, out of all the nations on the face of the earth.”

    The basic reason for not mourning excessively is due to the eternal nature of the soul. When the Torah describes the Jewish people as God’s “holy nation” and “treasured nation,” this refers to the Jewish soul — God’s “holy treasure” — that He stores for eternity after a person’s passing. Since a person’s soul, the primary element of his being, lives on even after death, it is not fitting to mourn excessively over its departure from the body.

    This theme is elaborated upon by Kabbalistic sources with a parable: The Torah admonition against excessive mourning can be compared to a king who sent his son to a small rural village for an extended period to engage in study and to prepare himself for his future position of kingship. Eventually, the king summoned his son to return home, and the friends that the son had made in the village mourned greatly over his departure. A wise man said to them: “Fools! Your friend is about to become king over the entire land, and you cry over his departure from this little village?” So too, God sent the soul down to this lowly world to prepare itself for kingship by engaging in Torah and mitzvahs. When God summons it to return to Heaven and take up its position of kingship, family and friends cry over the loss, sometimes too much. The wise Moshe addresses them, saying, “Don’t cry over him! He is ascending to the treasure room of souls in the loftiest heavens.” According to this interpretation of the verse, “You are God’s children” means that the deceased is God’s child and is now returning to his Father in Heaven.

    We are also taught by Torah sources that if a person extends the mourning period beyond that required by Torah law, God says: “You do not care about the deceased more than I do!” In other words, excessive mourning implies that God was cruel in removing the deceased from the world. In truth, God’s love and compassion for each Jew is greater than that of a human father for his son, and all that He does is with the best possible intentions.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team