Mourner Attending Concert
Question
My friend and I have tickets to a concert that we purchased several months ago. Unfortunately, my friend lost one of her parents two weeks ago. She is therefore not permitted to go to this concert. Except she is refusing to observe this halacha that she knows full well exists and insists on not observing. If she independently got herself there, I couldn’t stop her. But she depends on me for transportation to the theater because she doesn’t drive in the dark. She wants me to provide her transportation to this concert. If I refuse to take her, she will probably have no other way to get there.
What this boils down to is if I cave to her demands and take her to the concert, which I promised her I would do before her parent’s death, I will be sinning by helping her sin. To avoid committing the sin of aiding another’s sin, I would have to stand up to her and be an enforcer of Halacha, which I simply do not have the spine to do. She is a dear friend. I feel I cannot let her down by controlling her behavior and her Torah observance in the worst time of her life. I feel torn.
Answers
Firstly, I am so sorry to hear of your friend’s loss. May Hashem comfort your friend and her entire family among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
What a difficult dilemma. As you write it is forbidden for your friend to attend the concert but she is determined to do so anyway. I know that you write that she is dependent on you to get to and from the concert, but if she truly wants to she can easily find an alternative option. Subsequently, I feel that the best course of action is for you to gently tell her that you prefer not to take her to the concert. If she insists that you do, then I think that it is permissible for you to do so. Of course, she would be transgressing the Halacha by going to the concert, but I think that your driving her there and back would not be considered as your aiding her to sin.
Please accept my blessing that Hashem grant you the insight to say the right words at the right time.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team
I came up with an idea. The theater is next to a shopping mall. Perhaps I can drive her to the mall as if I’m helping take her there to shop, and then she can make her own choice to come to the concert from the mall.
If it makes you feel better than you can do that but there is no Halachic need to do so. Offering to take her to the mall when you know that she will go to the concert is not changing her choices and it is not changing your practical input into her getting to the concert.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team