Married Couple Ignoring Mechitzah at Home Minyan
Question
About a year and a half ago I started operating a minyan in my house on Shabbat and Yom Tov because I had to say kaddish and I am too disabled to walk to shul. At first, around 25 men were coming. A few women came too, necessitating that I put up a mechitza and create a small women’s section. I have continued this minyan even though I no longer need to recite kaddish.
My minyan has mostly shrunk as most of the original attendees lost interest, but at the same time, I have gained a few newcomers who have helped keep it alive. Among the recent newcomers is an older couple who have been lifelong conservative Jews who are accustomed to sitting together. Whenever they come, they pull two chairs to the back of the room and sit side by side behind the mechitza area.
This couple has ignored me telling them about the mechitza. I fear if I chide them for this behavior, I risk losing him from this minyan in which every male who attends matters toward its existence.
If this couple is skirting the mechitza, can I count the man toward a minyan? Can he be given an aliyah? Or should I tell them not to return, which would be detrimental to the minyan?
Answers
Personally, I feel that the best approach is to be straight with them in a very gentle and non-confrontational way. I would suggest that you let them know how important their presence is both for the continuation of the Minyan and to you personally and then explain to them the Minyan is run according to Halacha and that requires them sitting separately. I would recommend that you tell them that you truly understand their desire to sit together and they are more than welcome to do so outside of the Tefillos but that you hope that they understand that during the services they should not do so. My hope is that if you show them how much you enjoy their being in your home and how much you respect their views that they reciprocate and do as you ask.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team
I tried every gentle approach I possibly could toward getting them to use the mechitza, and they didn’t budge. The conclusion I came to is that I have to let them sit together or else they will just stop coming. I am 72 and disabled and I cannot see myself chiding them. All I was asking is if according to halacha, I can count him toward a minyan or give him an aliyah if he spends the time sitting with his wife.
Please excuse the misunderstanding. Yes, he can counted for a Minyan and yes, he can be given an Aliyah.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team