Marital Disagreement
Question
Dear Rabbi,
My husband is a convert to Judaism. He went through the process of conversion according to Halacha many years ago because he wanted to marry me. Since then, he has half-heartedly observed Judaism. He wears a kippah and follows the rituals and guidelines, but he only does so because these are rules he was taught and doesn’t seem to feel anything in his heart. This never bothered me until recently. After what happened in Israel, he has taken the side of the Palestinians. He talks constantly among his relatives and mostly non-Jewish friends about the ‘atrocities’ of Israel. When anyone tries to talk to or argue with him, he is the better, more powerful arguer. He thinks any sources showing the real facts are fake. I find this so embarrassing. I don’t want to divorce him. My marriage to him is otherwise good and we have children and want to keep to our family stable, but I have trouble putting up with this and can’t take it anymore.
Answers
How immeasurably sad it is that people who regard themselves as intellectually honest are prepared to be as intellectually dishonest as one can get when it comes to the State of Israel and the Jews. The photographic evidence is undeniable. The eye-witness accounts of the barbaric murders of men, women and children are impossible to ignore. The too-ample evidence of the beheadings and the mutilations and the burnings are impossible to ignore. Perhaps, speaking to someone who has a loved one currently being held hostage in Gaza might help them see the truth. Perhaps, coming to Israel to visit some of the one thousand four hundred families who buried a loved one – or, in many cases – loved ones, might change their minds. Perhaps, coming face-to-face with fresh graves of entire families who were wiped out in the barbarism might speak to their hearts. But, of course, I am being unrealistic and hopelessly optimistic. Because when it comes to Israel and the Jews, the truth has never bothered them in the past, and there is no reason to imagine that it will bother them this time either.
With regards to your specific question, the only advice that I can suggest is that you sit down together with your husband and let him know in a nonconfrontational way that his views are the absolute opposite of yours and that you do not want to discuss the subject with him and you do not want to hear him speaking about with other people when you are within earshot. Hopefully, he will be happy to do as you ask, and that will help retain your marital harmony.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team