Making The Best Of It
Question
How am I supposed to be b’simcha – in general, and specifically on this chag? I live in Israel and I still don’t have a teudat zehut and it seems like I won’t be able to and my only housing option is with an insane cousin and no women are interested in me – Yevamos 62b – כל איש שאין לו אשה….
I honestly don’t know how to keep going on. 16 years in yeshivos and 10 years off and on in Kollel and almost nothing to show for it.
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Answers
I apologize for what I am about to write but simcha is a state of mind and not something that can be reached by doing specific actions. A person who lives with the knowledge that whatever is happening to them at any one given moment in time is what Hashem feels is best for him, is a person who can live b’simcha even if things are not the way that they would like them to be. There is a famous story about Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach that someone once came to him and cried about his plight in life. Rav Shlomo Zalman told him about a person who suffers a lot more than him, yet he is always happy. He said, “This Yid had a surgery, and ever since then, he is deaf in one ear. He is also a widower. Three of his children never had children of their own. Despite all his troubles, he is always happy. He always has a smile on his face.” The man replied, “I can’t believe that there is such a person in the world. How can he be happy, after suffering so much?”
Rav Shlomo Zalman replied that he was referring to himself. Because when one knows that everything is planned by Hashem, he is always happy.
Of course, being Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach helps one to reach such levels of bitachon and simcha but it is not a prerequisite. We are all capable of reaching a level of acceptance that Hashem runs the world. And a person who does so is, by definition, living their life b’simcha.
May Avicha Shebashamayim bless you with success in all your endeavors.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team