Hugging as an Act of Kindness
Question
Is there ever an exception to the prohibition against hugging a member of the opposite sex when doing so is an act of chesed? Last week, I visited a not-orthodox woman who was sitting shiva for her husband who died suddenly and unexpectedly. She received few visitors and was feeling extremely broken and was desperately in need of a hug. There was no time to ask a rabbi. She needed it literally that very second. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I hugged her more than once over the course of my two-hour visit, once for several minutes, and these hugs brought her the comfort she so desperately needed at that moment. It maybe even saved her life, as one can die from a broken heart. Regardless, I couldn’t see myself saying no. Now I am feeling conflicted about what I did. Did I do the right thing?
Answers
My heart goes out to the widow. May Hashem comfort her among the mourners of Zion.
There are no exceptions. Hugging someone of the opposite gender is forbidden. While I understand why you felt that it was the correct thing to do in the moment, the Halacha states that there should be no physical contact between the genders. Part of the reason is that what can start as a selfless act of pure kindness can easily turn into something else – especially at the most emotionally vulnerable times.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team
Are there exceptions for pikuach nefesh?
It is permissible to touch someone of the opposite gender if it is for Pikuach Nefesh.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team
In my judgement, I felt it was pikuach nefesh to hug this grieving woman. She has a lot of her own health issues. I perceived she could die of a broken heart if I didn’t hug her. Dying of a broken heart is a very real thing, which is why many people die less than a year after their spouse.