Difficult Shabbos Guests
Question
This past Shabbos, we had an out of town guest stay with us who is a major celebrity and household name to most Americans, most of who do not even know he is Jewish. I will not mention his name here because it is lashon hora. Before he came, we excitedly told our kids a celebrity was coming over for a Shabbos meal. But once he was here, we saw a different side of him than the public knows: a man who is so eccentric that his behavior is socially unacceptable.
Within minutes after he entered our home, we started to feel uneasy with him because of his mannerisms. After we lit candles, we felt so uncomfortable with him, we wished we could kick him out. But we weren’t sure what to do. Because we were observing Shabbos like we normally do, this didn’t help.
He said he was coming with his wife. Turns out, his wife is a non-orthodox convert to Judaism who might as well be called an antisemite. She sympathizes with Palestinians and thinks the worst about Israel. And she constantly said demeaning things about Orthodox Judaism and Jewish laws and customs we all follow and had the impression that all Jews are rich. She herself was quite the narcissist who expected our place to be a luxury hotel with fine dining. She constantly put us down for not living up to her expectations of being treated like a queen. She was much worse than him.
We are not rich. We are a struggling middle class family we over $30,000 credit card debt. Despite all that, we did our best to please these people and give them the best. They thanked us by making our Shabbos a nightmare.
They did not follow the laws of Shabbos. They turned the light in the room we gave them on and off, took hot showers, and talked on their phones a lot. This was not unexpected. They are not observant Jews after all.
In the future, what is a good approach to deal with Shabbos guests who are like this? Should we ask them to leave during Shabbos and drive their car away from our house?
Answers
While I truly empathize with how you feel, I am not sure that you are going to be happy with what I am about to write.
What you did was a Mitzvah. More than that, it is one of the Mitzvos that you have no idea whether it had an impact or not. And, if yes, there is no idea how much of an impact it had and when it actually turned into something tangible. It is entirely conceivable that you planted small seeds on Shabbos, which will only begin to sprout later on. Possibly, much later on.
This means, in my humble opinion, you should not ask anyone like that to leave your home on Shabbos. And, however difficult it is, you should treat your guests with respect, even when they do not reciprocate in kind. Because Shabbos is holy and pure and you become ambassadors of the holy Shabbos when you have guests. And, yes, before you say it, I know that it is not fair. It is not fair that they can treat everything that you hold dear with such disdain. But when it comes to spiritual concepts and issues, “fair” is not a description that should be used. The only thing that I should be doing is to try to fulfill the Will of Hashem and bringing my Father in Heaven Nachas Ruach.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team