Celebrating Abusive Ex’s Death
Is it morally wrong to celebrate a person’s death? I always felt it was. But now I find myself joyed by the death of my ex-husband, on the inside if not publicly.
When I was married to him, he abused me and tormented me for many years. I was stuck with him or else I would have had to share custody of my kids with him. I finally left him when the youngest kids were in their teens and there would be no custody battle. All but one of them never contacted him again.
All the time we were married, few in the community suspected anything. Everyone who knew us thought we were just like any other couple and family. We had many Shabbosos with friends, bar mitzvahs, and weddings of our grown children as we walked them to the chuppah. People thought we were wonderful hosts. Everything seemed normal on the outside. Behind closed doors was another ugly scene.
It was very hard to end our marriage. There were rabbis who convinced us to stay together and work things out. They wanted us to remain married for life. To his dismay, I ignored the rabbi of our shul and made my move to my own apartment when I felt I could.
After I received my get, he continued to stalk and taunt me. This went on for many more years, so much that I had to call 911 more than once. The police kept warning him, but never made any effort to stop him.
He died several months ago, and I’m the happiest I have ever been now. I feel so much at peace because I don’t have to worry about him constantly tormenting me at random unexpected moments. He always wanted me back, and he unrealistically believed I would change my mind someday. I was afraid he could kill me or harm me some other way until the day he died. More than 40 years of my life were consumed with my fear of him. I feel no sadness that he’s gone and I don’t miss him.
Answers
I am so sorry to read about how much you suffered at the hands of your ex-husband. I hope and pray that you have been successful at rebuilding your life since your divorce.
Personally, after having read your email, I cannot think of on reason why you shouldn’t be happy and relieved about your ex-husband’s passing. It sounds as if he made your life a misery during your marriage and he managed to scare you to the point that even after your divorce you could not feel safe. I am sure that his passing is the source of the most incredible relief for you and you are now able to live your life without feeling intimidated and threatened.
Should you celebrate his death? Not in public. But you certainly can feel a sense of celebration within you that you do not have to face his manipulations and his physical threats any longer. Perhaps, it can be a source of comfort for you to know that now that your ex-husband is in the World of Truth, he will be judged for every single act that he did to you and to your children and that he will be punished accordingly.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team