Asking Forgiveness for Bullying in the Past

Question

I would like to present a class to a group of women on Shabbos about whether one should ask forgiveness to having bullied when younger because asking forgiveness can bring up old and painfull memories to the bullied person you want to ask forgivenss from.

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    It is a fascinating Halachic issue and one that cannot really be determined definitively over email as it is dependent on many details.

    In general, the accepted approach is that one should not approach the person they bullied if they know that it will open up old wounds and cause them to revisit all the old feelings that they had. It is better not to reach a level of complete Teshuvah by asking heartfelt forgiveness rather than to cause the person anguish and pain.

    However, as you can see from this approach, it is terribly difficult to gauge the reaction of the person who was bullied. Subsequently, when there is a practical dimension to such questions, they must really be addressed by a local authority, who will probably be better able to gauge the various ramifications and therefore be able to rule accordingly.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team