Marriage

I am wondering if using the funds in my wife’s bank account to pay for things she bought using her credit card when she objects to paying for these things is considered stealing on my part. Mainly because she naturally expects me to pay for them just because I’m married to her. The details of the situation are as follows: My wife and I have separate checking accounts, something we have both agreed is best after weighing all options. My wife is the primary account holder of the main credit card we use and I am an authorized user who also has a card. I earn 90% of our household income, and she earns the other 10%. I do the physical act of paying the credit card bills on her account because she doesn’t know how to and lacks the money to pay the full amount. I use my income to pay most of it. Both of our checking accounts are linked to the online payment system for this credit card, which only I know how to operate. Being linked makes paying the bills quick and easy. My wife has a habit of spending lots of money on luxuries she wants, which is very common among married women, and I don’t blame her. She does not discuss her spending with me in advance. I only know after the fact when I see the credit card statement. This is something I have grown to expect. When I use her money to pay for her things that she charged on her card, she feels I am stealing from her funds. What does Jewish law say about this? Is it considered that I am stealing? My view is that I am refusing to use my income to pay for things that she bought for herself without asking me in advance if I am willing to pay for it. Failing to make the full payment will cause us to pay interest, which we are trying to avoid. Counseling on this matter, whether it be from a rabbi or a secular marriage counselor, is not an option because she refuses to ever go to one and I cannot convince her to. And from a legal standpoint, neither of us would ever use the civil legal system against each other. Aside from this issue and the moments she complains about this, our marriage is very happy.

Hi, I was just wondering if you might be able to tell me if there are any inaccuracies in the following quotation: While many modern Jews hold more modern views, certain ancient Jewish rabbis apparently regarded sex with young boys as technically permissible: Rav [Rab] [the Jewish scholar Abba Arikha (175–247 CE)?] says...if a child who is less than nine years old engages in homosexual intercourse passively, the one who engages in intercourse with him is not liable. Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 54b, translated at Sefaria.org, http://www.sefaria.org ...Rab makes nine years the minimum; but if one committed sodomy with a child of lesser age, no guilt is incurred... Footnotes in Soncino Babylonian Talmud, edited by Rabbi Ezekiel Isidore Epstein et al., Come and Hear™ hypertext version, Halakhah.com, http://halakhah.com/sanhedrin/sanhedrin_54.html While some ancient Jewish leaders believed a man should not marry off his daughter as a child (Kiddushin 41a), others rabbis seem to have thought it is technically acceptable to have sex with a betrothed three-year-old girl: The Sages taught in a baraita: A girl who is three years old is betrothed through intercourse...And the Rabbis say: She must be three years and one day old...Rav Ḥisda said...If the girl is less than that age of three years and one day, intercourse with her is like placing a finger into the eye...If she is less than that age, intercourse with her is nothing...[A certain woman said to Rabbi Akiva]...[“This matter] is comparable to a baby whose finger one forcibly dipped in honey. On the first time and the second time, he moans at his mother for doing so, but on the third occasion, once he is used to the taste of honey, he willingly sucks the finger dipped in honey. She was insinuating to Rabbi Akiva that she engaged in intercourse several times, and although the first couple of times were against her will, the third incident was with her consent. Babylonian Talmud, Niddah 44b–45a, translated at Sefaria.org, http://www.sefaria.org    

Can a Jewish wedding be held at any time of day or day of the week, so long as it is not Shabbat?

I am invited to a wedding of a Cohen and a divorced woman who are marrying in violation of Torah law. Is it permitted to go?

Help! I just got married two weeks ago and started covering my hair. I find after this short time that I cannot stand covering my hair. It is so uncomfortable, I feel like dying. I have tried all kinds of hair coverings, from sheitls to scarves to different types of hats, and they all bother me and I feel I can never get used to it. I cannot take the misery this is causing me. I just married the greatest man in the world, but I feel like a prisoner being forced to wear a hair covering. My husband says he wouldn’t mind if I don’t cover my hair, and he would rather I be comfortable than to comply with this requirement. But I find myself in a community that would be very judgmental if I didn’t. I’m afraid that members of our community would snub me if I didn’t follow this. There is even a synagogue around here that has a sign on the door that says married women must have their hair covered to enter the building. What am I to do?

In the 1960s, my grandfather who apparently was a kohen fell in love with a convert to Judaism. He knew he was not supposed to marry her, but they were madly in love, and he married her under the auspices of a Conservative rabbi, who was open to such a marriage. He remained orthodox otherwise, and he and his wife moved to a new community and kept this secret, not admitting the truth. His surname was not one associated with kohanim and he didn’t tell anyone he was a kohen. He went on to have five children and many grandchildren, myself included, and many great grandchildren, with more likely in the future. Earlier this year, my grandfather died at a ripe old age. My uncle went through some of his belongings and discovered the truth. I always knew my grandmother was a convert, but I didn’t know until recently that my grandfather was a kohen who violated Jewish law. What impact does this have on me and my family?

Dear Rabbi, I am a 62 year-old man who went through a civil divorce after 22 years of marriage. I am planning to remarry this April 2023 to a woman who was widowed. My ex-wife has no plans to remarry. as a man, is it required for me to have a GET? My ex-wife is not observant and does not request one from me. Am I allowed to proceed to my new marriage without one?