Paying Wife’s Bills with Her Funds
Question
I am wondering if using the funds in my wife’s bank account to pay for things she bought using her credit card when she objects to paying for these things is considered stealing on my part. Mainly because she naturally expects me to pay for them just because I’m married to her.
The details of the situation are as follows:
My wife and I have separate checking accounts, something we have both agreed is best after weighing all options.
My wife is the primary account holder of the main credit card we use and I am an authorized user who also has a card.
I earn 90% of our household income, and she earns the other 10%.
I do the physical act of paying the credit card bills on her account because she doesn’t know how to and lacks the money to pay the full amount. I use my income to pay most of it.
Both of our checking accounts are linked to the online payment system for this credit card, which only I know how to operate. Being linked makes paying the bills quick and easy.
My wife has a habit of spending lots of money on luxuries she wants, which is very common among married women, and I don’t blame her. She does not discuss her spending with me in advance. I only know after the fact when I see the credit card statement. This is something I have grown to expect.
When I use her money to pay for her things that she charged on her card, she feels I am stealing from her funds.
What does Jewish law say about this? Is it considered that I am stealing? My view is that I am refusing to use my income to pay for things that she bought for herself without asking me in advance if I am willing to pay for it. Failing to make the full payment will cause us to pay interest, which we are trying to avoid.
Counseling on this matter, whether it be from a rabbi or a secular marriage counselor, is not an option because she refuses to ever go to one and I cannot convince her to. And from a legal standpoint, neither of us would ever use the civil legal system against each other. Aside from this issue and the moments she complains about this, our marriage is very happy.
Answers
Before it is possible to answer your question, it is necessary to understand why you have separate accounts. The reason will have an enormous impact on the answer as it is possible that Halachically the money is your wife’s and you cannot use it without her permission, and it is also possible that Halachically the money belongs to both of you regardless of the fact that it is kept in an account that is under your wife’s name. If that is the case, then, in the same way that she uses your money, you may use hers. Another detail that needs to be clarified is what is your definition of “luxuries,” and whether your wife agrees with you. The Halacha can change according to a person’s perspective of what is considered for them as a luxury and what is not.
If you would like to write back with more details, Just Ask! will be happy to try and answer your question for you. However, it might be more convenient for you to ask a local authority who is an expert in these Halachos as it may require some degree of back and forth. It is also possible that, at some point, it would be correct to include your wife in the discussion so that she understand clearly the reasons for whatever ruling is made.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team