Past Lashon Harah is Recorded

Question

Hi, I’ve been working on my lashon hara and been careful about what I say. the problem is that my friends and I have a document that serves many purposes, and my friends like to document things that happened. They (and I probably have too) have written down things that I had said about things that happened to me regarding other people before I started to be more careful. I try to not push my goals on them (if they want to tell me something, even if it probably shouldn’t be said, I listen because I’m the person they tell things to) but sometimes I feel like keeping the things that I’ve said written down is more lashon hara. No one but my friend group has access to this document and they already knew it all but it still feels wrong. I tried secretly deleting something that I said more recently (I said it because I needed advice) but one friend noticed and called the other to try to remember what it was and put it back. What should I do? I feel weird about leaving it but I don’t want to try to push my changes on my friends.

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    Your regret that what you said in the past is causing you to feel so uncomfortable is a wonderful reflection on how connected you are to your inner self. Personally, I think that the simplest thing to do is to let your friends know that you are trying very hard right now to overcome the urge to speak Lashon Harah and that you are embarrassed about some of what you have said in the past. And you were wondering if anyone has any objections to your deleting some of what is written. If they agree that is wonderful. If they do not then your only real consolation is that whatever is written in the document is private and cannot be accessed by anyone outside of your immediate circle. Of course, your request should be worded in such a way that it does not appear to be judging your friends in any way. You are simply critiquing yourself.

    Please allow me to add an unsolicited comment. Perhaps it is possible to view the “Lashon Harah Document” that you are trying to change and edit as a parable for the reams and reams of documentation in the Upper Spheres of every word of Lashon Harah that we have uttered as we work our way through this physical existence. It would seem to me that the difficulties that you are having deleting some of what you have said in the past in your “Lashon Harah Document” should serve as a warning to all of us that “Up There” there is no way whatsoever to delete anything. Which means that the only alternative that we have is to try and rectify the mistakes here in the physical world before we arrive in the World of Truth.

    May you be blessed with the strength to continue your quest towards speaking in a way that does not transgress the Laws of Lashon Harah.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team