Serving Hashem
Question
My questions is why should I as a human being want to serve Hashem.What should motivate me?Should I serve Hashem cause I want to have a relationship with him?I want to know on the most ideal level.Why should be my motivation.Dont tell me cause if I dont I will get zapped or punished or rewarded cause that is not a relationship that is just out of fear and I know that is not what Judaism is about.I was told once that on the highest level the reason why Humans do what is right and serve Hashem is cause it his will and that didnt make sense to me cause why should I want to listen to Hashem just cause it is his will.Who cares what his will is.Also lets say I am not interested in having a relationship with Hashem shouldnt it be my free choice if I want to have a relationship I shouldnt be punished for not wanting to have that relationship what Kind of GOD is that.I was taught that even if we choose to do averos and do what is wrong in the end we will go through a clensing process and end up being able to have a relationship with Hashem.I dont see that as free will.Also you that the reason why Hashem didnt just bring us close to him but made us earn it through this world is because it will be bread of shame not to earn it ourselves cause then we wouldnt be compatible with Hashem and that we as human begins want to be independent and earn the closness just like Hashem chooses, but the problem with that idea is that the bottom line is that we are really not independednt even if we choose good on our own we are not independednt we wouldnt even be able to breath or walk or talk without Hashem willing it so in reality we are not independent.Thank you