Kosher Speech: Words Can Hurt

Question

Dear Rabbi,

How much importance does Judaism place on the way we speak? Thanks!

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    In Jewish tradition, an entire set of laws governs how we speak about and to other people. These are known as the laws of Lashon Hara, the “Evil Tongue.” They include prohibitions against any speech that may damage another person or cause emotional distress. Insults, lies and breaches of confidence are all forbidden. When discussing the existence of these laws, a student of mine once reacted with shock and derision. “That’s ridiculous!” he said, “How can you control human nature? Speaking about other people is as natural as breathing!”

    Judaism maintains that — on the contrary — speech is very much under our control. We can certainly determine what we say and how we say it. The laws of Lashon Hara help us appreciate the incredible power of speech that has inspired people and saved lives, but has also caused death and destruction. As the verse in Proverbs states, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

    We bear tremendous responsibility for what we say, even beyond any tangible impact on the subject. When we speak about someone in a derogatory fashion, we corrupt both ourselves and our listeners. Even if what is said is true and even if it will not cause any measurable damage, it is still forbidden to speak negatively about another person because this would be a misuse of the power of speech. Our tradition defines a human being as a “speaker.” Lashon Hara is a sin that corrupts and perverts the very essence of the human being — speech.

    Even worse than revealing secrets and breaking confidence is spreading dissent or hatred by being a “gossipmonger” – one who tells others about negative things that someone has done to them or said about them. In Hebrew, the term for this is rechilut. Even if what he relates is true, the narration creates acrimony. Such a person thrives on the ill-feeling and damage he causes with his tale-bearing. In the words of Maimonides: “He destroys the world through his speech.”

    The laws of Lashon Hara teach us to speak with great care and kindness and to avoid making negative statements about others. They direct us to be truthful, seek peace and value silence. As Mark Twain said, “You always regret what you say much more than what you don’t say.”

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team