Dating Father’s Friend’s Daughter
Question
Dear Rabbi, what should I do about this? My father wants to fix me up with the daughter of his longtime chavrusa partner. And his partner wants the same for his daughter. But I am not attracted to her at all and I don’t think she’s attracted to me. I don’t think she and I have anything in common. Our families are close and I have known her since she was a little girl. I have no desire to marry her or go out with her even once. But my parents and her parents and are nagging us. My father says she is a perfect match for me and I should at least give her a try. He thinks if I spend a little time talking to her one on one, I will warm up to her. I feel so uninterested, I can’t see that happening. I think the real reason they want to fix us up is because they want to be family to each other.
Answers
Halachically you are not obligated to listen to your parents when it comes to Shidduchim. However, I always recommend to people that they listen to what their parents are saying. Surprisingly (I hope that the sarcasm came through), parents sometimes know what is best for their children… I am not suggesting that is absolutely the case here but it might be worth trying one date to see if there really is something to what your father and her father see.
In any event, if you decide that you do not want to go out with her, you should let your parents know in the most respectful, calm and thoughtful way possible. Because, at the end of the day, the Mitzvah of Kibbud Av v’Em is one that you are always obligated in – even when they are telling you things that you disagree with.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team