Choice of Embarrassment

Question

I would like some advice how to deal with a situation. I know it is forbidden to embarrass a parent in public. That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid. My situation is my mother makes false statements about me all the time around our acquaintances and strangers when we’re together (which is almost all the time, since she and I live together and rarely spend any time outside our home apart). She is not intentionally lying or being deceptive. She just has the wrong information and is saying some things inaccurately without realizing.
This puts me in a dilemma. If I correct her around others, it would embarrass her, which would appear disrespectful. But if I fail to correct her, it is me who feels humiliated and takes the hit.
This has been an ongoing struggle. So much of the time, it is nearly impossible to prepare for what she will say in advance. I usually tell her the truth after we’re away from others, but by then, the damage to my reputation has been done.

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    If your mother says embarrassing things about you in a public setting, you should avoid correcting her when others are listening. Once you are alone, I think that you should explain to your mother in a respectful but very clear way that what she is saying is incorrect. You should let her know what the truth is, so that, hopefully, she will not repeat the untruths again.

    Please allow me to point out that our Sages teach that a person who is embarrassed in public and does not react angrily is privy to the most enormous spiritual reward. And, in the immediate aftermath of the public embarrassment, their blessings have the most incredible potency. If this happens again, I would suggest that you straight away bless someone you know who needs enormous Heavenly assistance. By the way, the person who you bless can be you!

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team