Suffering in This World

If G-d appears to be devising intricate tortures for me, should I try to disengage emotionally from the tribulations I can’t seem to stop from happening, since the tribulations are pain enough without negative emotions? I feel those torments are worse when I let them bother me emotionally, and I can weaken their impact a bit by turning the emotions off and cultivate an emotional numbness in the face of them; in that way I can at least to some extent weaken these torments’ power over me.

For example, if in my poverty, where money is very scarce, it might happen that no matter what I try to do to protect my $20 bill, I will see a giant gust of wind tear it from my grasp and be carried on that wind into the window of a speeding Lamborghini, Rolls Royce, or Bentley, forcing me to take the bus (which I might have to wait three hours for because of a bus strike that day, only for the bus to finally break down), and this exact thing might happen 5 days in a row, no matter how I try to hold onto my money. So if this happens day after day after day (only the make of the car whose window receives my money changing, between the aforementioned 3 brands, well, maybe a Bugatti thrown in the mix), should Ilet myself be upset, so I have the negative emotions on top of the tsoris of all my transportation money being swept away into luxury automobiles, to the point that not only can’t I get around, I have no money to pay my bills or eat? In that scenario, I might daven for it to stop, then some banking fluke similarly transfers the tiny bit of money I have to the owners of those automobiles, in such a way that there’s no recourse to get it back, as if orchestrated from above in a miracle. Then, as I daven for relief, some similar calamity occurs exacerbating the problem.

Can or should I say, these assaults seeming to inflict poverty on me from above, in such a way forcing me to observe the small amounts of money I can scrounge together, being sent on the wind into these $250,000+ vehicles, have the effect of making life torture for me, a torture compounded by seeing the path and destination of the money.

While it’s possible to praise HaShem for the obvious generosity toward those luxury car-owners of sending my electricty bill and food money toward them, right in front of my eyes, should I decline to praise that kindness and also try to numb myself to this predicament’s emotional impact? Should I take it as a sign that HasShem wants me to give everything I have to the already wealthy, so that my money, which would only be 1 in 10 million drops in this wealthy person’s bucket, is better being that person’s 10 millionth + 1 drop in his bucket rather than mine? Should I say, “fine, I can accept losing my money this way, but I won’t have that torment compounded by emotional grief?”