Marriage Advice

Question

I have been married for 35yrs. I almost walked out of my wedding. I did not find my wife very attractive and had concerns about her personality & character. I wanted to date other girls but had lost a parent recently and was not emotionally ready. I married out of fear not faith. As is we have three children. My relationship with them is decent but could be better if it wasn’t for marital issues. I’m tired of the hurtful exchange. I have not been intimate with my wife for over 15 yrs including my honeymoon. I am 60 yrs old now. What to do? I have thought of separating but remaining friends and be there for one another. But don’t know how to go about it, not sure if right thing to do and not much money.

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Answers

  1. The Just Ask! - AskTheRabbi.org Team

    My heart goes out to you and I wish that there was an easy and obvious solution to your dilemma. But, as is so often the case with interpersonal relationships, there are no neat and simple answers. I am hesitant to suggest the following, as I feel that it is a little presumptuous of me to do so without knowing you or your wife personally, but, if you have not done so already, perhaps it would be prudent to seek out therapy together to try and help you reach a clearer idea of what might be the best way to approach the future before any decisions are made that might be difficult to reverse afterwards. Very often it takes someone from the outside to see what those who are involved cannot see. That is why I think that seeking outside help might help you both see whether there is any future for the two of you together, and, if there is, what might be the most effective way of accessing it.

    In any event, please accept me heartfelt Bracha that Hakadosh Baruch Hu bless you with the insight that whatever decisions you make be the right ones.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team