Elopement and Jewish Law
Question
What is the Jewish view of elopement? My girlfriend and I are very much in love, but for reasons very personal to them, both my parents and hers forbid us to marry each other. A local rabbi our families have jointly consulted with said we should not marry each other because our parents objections would cause them too much embarrassment. We can’t take this and want to elope as soon as possible. If we go behind the backs of our parents and defy the local rabbi and get married in front of two witnesses, would our marriage be valid? Would it be cursed in any way? Would any children we have be tainted?
Answers
Marriage in Jewish Law is defined by the couple marrying in front of two Kosher witnesses, and, preferably, in front of a Minyan, all under the auspices of a Rabbi who is familiar with the laws pertaining to marriage. A couple who marries like that is considered to be married according to Jewish law.
However, there is more to marriage than the technical aspects and the legalities of marriage. There are the emotional and spiritual dimensions behind the marriage as well. Included in that are the relationships that are so incredibly important to the Chattan and the Kallah.
It is not really my place to comment on your family dynamics as I do not know anyone and I do not know any of the background to your parents’ objections, but I do wonder why you are both so intent in going against the wishes of both sets of your parents and the advice of your Rabbi. In any event, such a marriage is not “cursed,” but I really cannot think of a worse way to begin married life than with your parents upset and angry and not talking to you.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team