Location for Mother’s Shloshim
Question
Sivan 28, 5782.
Our mother passed away recently.
My brother lives in a region of the city far from where my sister and I live. He insists that the shloshim ceremony shall take place in the synagogue near where he lives, in the morning, because in the afternoon there’s no minian. My sister and I would like this ceremony to take place near where we live, where there’s always a minian. We can’t get to an agreement. What shall we do?
Answers
I am so terribly, terribly sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my condolences on the passing of your mother. May Hashem comfort you and your entire family among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
There is only one possible answer to your dilemma that will retain your family’s harmony. Someone will have to compromise. If your brother is the oldest, according to Jewish Law it might be correct for you and your sister to make the Shloshim where he wants it to be. Even if he is not the oldest but he is not prepared to change his mind or to try and accommodate your needs, it would be a terrible shame for any of you to argue or fall out with each other over this.
The most important thing is that the Shloshim ceremony be an honorable tribute to your late mother. If that means the inconvenience of travelling to your brother in the morning, my personal recommendation would be to preserve the family harmony and for you and your sister to do that.
Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team